You know I’ve been told a countless number of times that I am worthless, stupid, ignorant, dense and a lost cause.

What makes it worse is that I’ve been called these things by a person that is supposed to have taught me how to value my life and appreciate the things that I may have to face in it.

I may just be pmsing really bad right now, but someone that tells their kid that they are worthless and in the gutter should be in the gutter themselves.

I’ve told everyone that I am clinging on for my dear life to love you because that’s what she wants. She wants us to be whole again.

But how can a family be whole when every component except for the woman that is keeping it together is broken. Because of you.

Physically I am fine.

But emotionally I am running on empty fumes.

How I get up every morning is a mystery.

How I live with you still is a miracle.

How I manage to smile everyday without even a quiver is a curse.

Because for once, what some may call insanity, I have lots of energy even though I am shattered.



But I will never give up. Because then only will I be in the gutter you have envisioned for me. You suck. But I will not. I will pick every piece of myself up till there is no energy to keep going. Because those smiles come from my heart. A heart that was raised by the bravest woman I’ve ever met. The kindest woman I’ve ever met. The most inspiring woman I have ever known. And you. Well you can go fuck yourself because when I succeed. You are going to be the last person I think of.